LOVESICK AVENUE

I'm not sure why. but then I'm starting to contact my ex again. no not the recent one. this one is my "true" love. i mean she's the only one that i feel myself with. its not a wonder at times i feel that i had not moved on even when i was with someone else.


let me tell you about her. well, she is a head shorter then me i guess. i mean the last time i saw her was like 2 years ago. we broke up actually was not because of those quarrel couple had. we were actually a very loving couple. very loving. but what drove us apart was her mum. its not that her mum forbids this love or anything. its just that her mum has no trust on her and myself. i guess i do look too matured for my age. but blame god for making me look like this. i guess other then that i think the problem is trust.


you must understand we were both living at both ends of Singapore. she's in the east, I'm in the west. the only time we met was like holidays and weekends when we are free. trust me, its so difficult. in the whole year we were together, i guess the total number of times we got to meet each other is able to countable using our fingers. that's how frequent we meet. that's not all, she's the problematic type. she's like having insecurities and such. so she kinda breaks down easily. she's the rebel type. that's what I'm afraid of. i don't know what she might be doing behind my back. with me, she might have claimed to be true and honest to me. but down there in the eastern end of Singapore, she might have fucked around.


OK, the word is a bit too harsh. but its true. when we started to contact each other again, she admit having "forced" sex. but then i sit to wonder. with her high sexual drive (don't ask how or where i know) i guess if she's not a the seducing party, this would not have happened. i mean if my memory serves me right, the 1st time i met her at Tempines she was adorning this black skirt. Wow, it was a bit or should i say it is translucent that i prefer walking behind her rather then walking behind or beside her. I guess she is the goddess of temptation. LOL


Now, back to the present. we had a chat a few weeks back. talking about life and such. how she is coping with life after the death of her boyfriend. yes my friend, her boyfriend died. it was this year if I'm not mistaken, the boy from the same ITE she was being posted to. and he was 16. so yeah, she expressed herself to me. all this and that. making me fell like as if I'm not important or without feelings. so i did try to comfort her and makes her feel better.


now all that aside, i dunno why but i had come to an agreement with her that maybe we could try to start anew. she agreed on it but only after her test this November. my condition was, during these period, i told her that we should get to know each other better again before deciding if we really want to be together. now I'm considering really hard. i need love. and love comes in my way. Should i accept it?


but then, i should consider really hard 830238485312 times harder because November is coming to an end. if we were together, things i have listed earlier might happen again like her mum not trusting me, or me having thoughts about her not being fateful. I'm afraid. i actually do love her. i miss her hugs. her kisses. our sweet talks and some other things that i guess inappropriate to include. ;)


Till then,
Lovesick Avenue