LOVESICK AVENUE

Al mio amore,

for God had said let there be light. that we cant deny for it is already written. be it in the Bible, or be it on the Hadith its there. we cant deny it. for all the Abrahamic religion has it. but what we lack is actually the knowledge of why God had wanted there to be light.


light itself is the essence of God. don't you think the big guy up there has nothing better but to part with his own essence? don't get me wrong, there must be a reason why there is that light. for the only reason i could think of would be love. because of his love for the sons of Adam and daughters of Eve. it is due to his love that he gave the light. his love for us is undefined. we cant measure how much he loves us.


just imagine this, for without the love, i believe that we could have been created differently. we could have been created maybe with overly large eyes. or maybe we could all be created blind. but for the love of his creation, he gave us light. because he wants us to see all his creation, how delicate they are, how defined and sophisticated each and everyone is. so sit and think, have we done enough to show our appreciation to God. that is God. he is proud of his creations and he is proud that no two of his creations are the same. but he never ask much. all he wants is complete submission to him that he is one and only one.


Doesn't that teach us the power of love?how love can shape the world, how love can create the wonders of life. why is it so hard to believe in love? i know, most of us have bad experience with love. you name it, there are bound to be some of us having gone through that experience.but then, doesn't that makes us to be who we are? I'm rather hurt when one do say that he or she does not believe in love anymore. its like we are defying the gift of God.


love is like an art, for not art are known to the world but they are still a masterpiece. each experience makes up the vivid colour while each goodbye we say to each other makes up the black pencil lines which defines our status. our life, our daily goings make up the canvas while our personality, our feelings makes up the artist who paints the whole picture.


till my canvas has more colours
Lovesick Avenue

Al mio amore,

to begin with, goodbye happens. yes it happens. at the end of the day, one will bid goodbye to their friends in school, to their partners at work, or even to family members when one goes to bed. but have it ever occur to us that today's goodbye will sometime mean there is no hello tomorrow?


for they say, tomorrow may never come for some of us. tonight we sleep, we cant be too sure if we could wake up tomorrow with the morning rays shining on us. we cant be too sure if there is even tomorrow. what if tomorrow is nothing? what if time stops? what if its like the end?


are we afraid? are we prepared? have we satisfy ourselves ? our lust? our hunger? our thirst? before we could to move on to the next world if it even exist.


so friends, life is beautiful. but what makes life beautiful? its something objective i must say. for some, love makes it beautiful. for others, things like understanding our purpose on this world, the very connections we have with each other, the people with different and random lives and the list goes on. i must say, its only when we looses something that we realise it is beautiful. its like looking up the sky one day, what we see is that only when the cloud parts that the sun can shine.

till the sun shine again,
Lovesick Avenue

Al mio amore



to be one that can make people laugh, make people feel happy is easy for me. in fact i have been doing that all my life. i bring joy and laughter. i give them a sense of calmness and understanding. but what they do not see is that behind every comedian, lies a tale full of tragedies.





to begin with, its not so hard to make people smile and fall in love with you. all you have to do is to create a trust person u want smiling. by doing so, you sort of have this mutual understanding and trust of the person. only with trust that a person can open up their hard wall of defence and melt like ice cream in your hands.





from there, we could proceed on to the next level which is the bait. every fish knows what is a bait. but they cant seem to resist to it. so the bait in this case would be giving up your ear for them to talk everything out. let them share what they feel, what are their problems. even though u sort of know the gist of the problem, act as if u have no clue to it. always behave humbly, saying you are not good at giving advices and all when you know exactly what to do. always prompt the person to tell more. one may use their creative ideas for this. but usually for girls, all they need is attention. give them your full attention. you'll see what i mean.





the next step would be reeling in. that's when u start showing interest in their problem. this however may lead to some disappointment. that is why i advice, never to put your feelings on the line till the last part of the whole process. when you reel in, this is when its time you look out for possible loopholes to the heart.using these loop holes, one can sort of gather more things to know about the person. especially so when the person is vulnerable.


OK, i think i have been crapping a lot. so i guess till here then, if u want to know more about what i have been saying above, contact me through my MSN

Lovesick Avenue

Al mio amore

I'm not a prolific writer, but i have to admit some of the content i write is a bit of a masterpiece i must say. but heck care, do anyone care? well maybe the original lovesick avenue does, because this blog carries their name.

the name itself is simple yet it evokes a certain emotion in me. Lovesick. yeah, that's currently how i feel. i have always felt. the sick feeling that either gets stuck in the throat or at the back of the stomach. ask yourself, have you ever been in love with someone you know u can never have? be it you being to young for her, be it she is in a relationship or be it she just can get over him because he has been with her for sometime. its all the same, it hurts. i mean physically it does hurt. i sometimes feel that the heart is experiencing a sort of tingling sensation in the cardiac region that sometimes i feel my guts shriveled up into a ball hanging loosely in me. at night, i feel so cold. crouching myself into a ball, pulling my legs up as close to me just to get heat. while some of us sleep, cuddling our partners, I'm left out cold.


then the word Avenue gives the ambiance of a street life. it pictures to me like a life of a guy next door who is out of love when u put the names together. but the word itself is peculiar. why Avenue, and not Street? not drive? is it a sort of approach as in somewhere one thing is being done to vent something?


pondering,
Lovesick Avenue

Al mio amore,

to love is a beautiful thing. but being in love is far more beautiful than it. how can it be, one may ask, but its the fact. the fact that to be in love is when 2 hearts become one. 2 different lives become one. its the feeling that one has that it may seem childish to some. especially to our parents who keep thinking that we are too young. to soft a heart that we could not take any hiccups


look at our parents. be it being match-made or be it having their own relationship. they love each other. one may joked about it. as in we are the result of their "accident" but then again its about love. the love they share. look at it this way, if they had not thought about love or felt love, they wouldnt have painstakingly made ue, thought about the future and about how they are going to support us. thinking of what will be of us when we grow up.


i find it funny how one label having sex as love making. do we even notice that its not even proper to some extent? i mean, love making involves 2 different people showing love to each other. its not about the sex at all. sex is their after-math of loving. its the joy of loving someone. the bliss both parties live in. thus having sex is not love making. its a whole different thing all together.


look around us, everything is about love. food for example, the Pizza Hut calls they product veggie lover's. lame as it may sound, but its because of the love for veggie that they all it that way. look at the movies, be it Malay-wood, Hollywood, Bollywood. 70-80 percent of their movies circles around the idea of love. then comes the celebration, isn't Valentine about love? isn't Christmas about love, the joy of family togetherness ? the Hari Raya Haj about love? OK, this i have to explain. going to pilgrimage . where does it includes love? coming to Mecca is a long and tedious journey, but if one does not love his God, one does not love his religion, who would want to leave behind his family and enjoy the bliss and comfort of his own house?


in fact in English, we could label our house as home. you see, the 2 difference of these is that one is just a protective structure from rain and other external factor. but as for home its about how it involves feelings and people. our comfort zone, our warmness of love. i must say, most of the time i don't feel it. but then again, its still my best comfort zone.


till next time,
Lovesick Avenue.

Al mio amore,

to each his own. that's what i want to say for today. life being lead differs from one subject to another. to lead a life of which one trust and believe in god, to lead a simple life, to live and let go... the list goes on. but then when one tries to go out of the norm, to try to have a change in life; its not usually being accepted readily.


i try to blend in, i try to change the image. but then again, what good can it have? I'll always be me. this is life. no matter how hard one tries to change,one is always bound to roots of his character. or maybe im just not good enough or not trying hard enough

Al mio amore,

Guys and gals, im lost. seriously i just discovered that there is really a blog of an underground band named "Lovesick Avenue". so help me out people, should i change this blog name and link? comments needed.

Al mio amore


have we been to reliant on technology that it had become part of us? i sit and wonder. lie and ponder. what has the world come to? look at me, i sort of feel that i need to use the laptop on a daily basis. be it chat, Friendster or Facebook or just looking around, i feel the need to stay connected. but to be too reliant on it, it had never came across my mind.


With the paperless system in RP, I'm getting sick of reading off PowerPoint presentations. i can seem to bother. i mean, you do the maths. one day at least there will be 3 PowerPoint. one facilitator's, the rest would be students. it is to the extent that the facilitators themselves labeled the point where they explain their PowerPoint the "6th P" or in English, the 6th presentation.and that's only for one day.


if u have full attendance, which always happens during the 1st few weeks of school, it will mean all 5 students presentation plus the facilitator's. this would simply mean listening to 5 things again and again, but u wont be sure if all the 5 are correct until u hear the last one. worst is, if we have a open ended problem. all the 5 teams might have 5 different presentations.isn't it too taxing for the mind to be able to focus for all teams when its already past 2?


that's not all, then comes the test. the UT. hurgh! this is far most one of the most irritating thing that we have in the school. I'm not sure if they are really testing us on our understanding or our memorisation skills. they allow us to refer to the 6th P, but sometimes of of the crookedness of their mind, i find "incomplete" slides. i done mean its not done or something. what i meant was instead of helping us, the slides throw us questions. questions that if answered correctly, will answer the test questions. Lame, but true. this is how the whole system work. its like a must to have a personal laptop to keep up with all these bombardments.


that's just for the academic part of technology.now to our daily life. do you notice that all of our monies are being controlled by these artificial technology? look at it these way, when we deposit it through the machine, its like as if we are feeding the wall. then in that same time, we magically see the amount we have being deposited into our account. and in the same short period of time, our monies can be used halfway across the world with the press if buttons. it may sound cool at 1st but when u think of it, it kinda spooks me. money nowadays travel faster then our jet plane.


socially, its even scarier. have a look at the guy across the street. he looks like a geek, he walks like a geek, but he's like the most coolest guy on the net. or he could even be a serial rapist. or a porn addict. or even the best hacker Singapore ever produced. the anonymity that technology has veiled us, one could only imagine what can be done anonymously. this is brought worst by social friendship websites such as Facebook and Friendster. one could desperate enough to have multiple accounts of each, each with different description of himself but none are real.


sometimes these social website , it becomes the modes of getting to know the world. getting to know people with the same interest, same ideas.until sometimes i feel a bit suffocated with all these around. i mean its rather hard for me to keep up with all these. but i still try to. this is how bad one wants to feel connected.


till then
Lovesick Avenue

Al mio amore,


there are time when one doesn't seem to realise the value of family together-ness. sometimes when i ponder on life, i am thankful that i have a family. though i have lost their love since i was rather young. around 4-5 to be exact. that's when my brother comes to the picture.


but still i must admit. i am lucky to have a family. well, a complete family without any grandparents to spice up the family life. i should be grateful that my family is still intact. everyone comes home at the end of the day. Sadly, i come home at the end of the day not for this family. i come back due to respect for my parents. if given the chance, i wont be here. i will be far away from here.


that's because at the end of the day, i have no one to look out for. no one to have those lovey dovey sms before i sleep. no one to care about, no one to think about. no one to please. no one to.... OK, you get the idea. then looking around me, its just so depressing. its like its not helping. blame me for having such a look, im only 18 when i look like a father of 2.


Sigh, how time flies. this could be my 6 or even 7 month with my ex if i had stayed on. i do wonder how she is doing. good i presume. well, at least she moved on. lets all hope for the best in her future relationship.


Lovesick Avenue

Al mio amore,

to begin with today's post is actually quite difficult. I'm actually not sure of what to write or update about. I'm leading a monotonous life as of now. how i wish i could be somewhere else instead of here. somewhere like Italy. talking about Italy, im starting to pick up Italian again. i mean, 2 years ago, i did try to pick up Italian, the style of speaking and such. i mean its like so cool to understand and to speak another language which others dont understand.


so yeah, the Al mio amore is actually the Italian for " to my darling". No, don't get the wrong idea. I'm not writing this blog for someone or to someone. but i rather to keep it more intimate. for all of you to understand me. well, its just me. so bear with it.


anyway, yeah. Christmas is coming. the festive season is coming again. I'm starting to hate it. when i look around, i see couples walking down Orchard road holding hands and gifts for family and friends. worst is the movies. its like all fucked up. all love movies spinning around the Christmas time. cant Hollywood try harder? i mean its like a yearly thing. every year, there are bound to be Christmas love movie. like what the fuck? look like last year, PS I Love You. i mean it is a good romantic story. but when u have like Love Actually from the year before and Serendipity the previous year. did Hollywood ever thought of those people who had just broken up? this is so heartless. or maybe im too carried away. LOL


Till then, think about it

Lovesick Avenue

i don't know what has gotten into me today. i was having mixed emotions. i should be happy that I'm finally working with this girl, this Chinese girl that i have a soft spot on. but at the same time i was feeling sad, she doesn't even remember my name.


i feel so comfortable working with her. the jokes we had, the work we as a team worked on. in fact she looks good today. t-shirt, cardigan and shorts. ha ha, that reminds me, one joke i had pulled on her. i said

"haiyah, sad ah, you don't know my name"
"red ah? red right?....... Rid ah!"
"haiz.... its OK lah, you can call me sweetheart..."


everyone was like," WOO!!!"
and she was liked stunned and i quickly turned away. god, if only she knew that i really liked her. i mean apart from my crush, she's the next person i had been eyeing because i know for a fact that my crush is attached. but little did i know, this Chinese girl I'm talking about got attached when I'm starting to like her like a lot. haiz. fate i guess.


OH ya, did i mention that both my crush and soft spot are like very close friends? WA Lao, its like they went to same ITE, same interest in basket ball, been in the same class before. and frankly, i have been keeping some of their pictures secrectly.


ok, i guess thats too much info for today,
till then,
Lovesick Avenue

i came across this on some one's blog today. it made me ponder if its true. does it apply to me?

I'm not sure why. but then I'm starting to contact my ex again. no not the recent one. this one is my "true" love. i mean she's the only one that i feel myself with. its not a wonder at times i feel that i had not moved on even when i was with someone else.


let me tell you about her. well, she is a head shorter then me i guess. i mean the last time i saw her was like 2 years ago. we broke up actually was not because of those quarrel couple had. we were actually a very loving couple. very loving. but what drove us apart was her mum. its not that her mum forbids this love or anything. its just that her mum has no trust on her and myself. i guess i do look too matured for my age. but blame god for making me look like this. i guess other then that i think the problem is trust.


you must understand we were both living at both ends of Singapore. she's in the east, I'm in the west. the only time we met was like holidays and weekends when we are free. trust me, its so difficult. in the whole year we were together, i guess the total number of times we got to meet each other is able to countable using our fingers. that's how frequent we meet. that's not all, she's the problematic type. she's like having insecurities and such. so she kinda breaks down easily. she's the rebel type. that's what I'm afraid of. i don't know what she might be doing behind my back. with me, she might have claimed to be true and honest to me. but down there in the eastern end of Singapore, she might have fucked around.


OK, the word is a bit too harsh. but its true. when we started to contact each other again, she admit having "forced" sex. but then i sit to wonder. with her high sexual drive (don't ask how or where i know) i guess if she's not a the seducing party, this would not have happened. i mean if my memory serves me right, the 1st time i met her at Tempines she was adorning this black skirt. Wow, it was a bit or should i say it is translucent that i prefer walking behind her rather then walking behind or beside her. I guess she is the goddess of temptation. LOL


Now, back to the present. we had a chat a few weeks back. talking about life and such. how she is coping with life after the death of her boyfriend. yes my friend, her boyfriend died. it was this year if I'm not mistaken, the boy from the same ITE she was being posted to. and he was 16. so yeah, she expressed herself to me. all this and that. making me fell like as if I'm not important or without feelings. so i did try to comfort her and makes her feel better.


now all that aside, i dunno why but i had come to an agreement with her that maybe we could try to start anew. she agreed on it but only after her test this November. my condition was, during these period, i told her that we should get to know each other better again before deciding if we really want to be together. now I'm considering really hard. i need love. and love comes in my way. Should i accept it?


but then, i should consider really hard 830238485312 times harder because November is coming to an end. if we were together, things i have listed earlier might happen again like her mum not trusting me, or me having thoughts about her not being fateful. I'm afraid. i actually do love her. i miss her hugs. her kisses. our sweet talks and some other things that i guess inappropriate to include. ;)


Till then,
Lovesick Avenue

if one day you find me sleeping on the streets, would you even care?
if you see me walking by, can you say hi?
if you think I'm not worth it, will you stay on?
if you think i have changed, will you still accept me?
if you think its the end, can we start over?
if you are hurt by me, will you be strong?
if you know that i love you, what will you do?



sometimes, its not so hard to see that there is still love from me. i do wonder at times like this, if you even care. I'm not sure why, but i have the feeling that I'm the best when I'm with you. maybe its true, fate has a weird sense of humor. its not like we can change time, or run away from all those that has been written. its just that those simple things you do, like smiling really makes my day. but then it just hurts to know that you are someone else's plain Jane. someone else's rock chick. someone else's skater girl.


i wanna be someone special to someone. i know it doesn't mean much. but for that someone, I'm special. I'm the shoulder to lean on. I'm the care she never had. but the problem is not who. its about when. more then 10 years of ups and down, with love or out. i feel that its time i need to move on. its time i face the music. I'm not wanted. look at how pathetic life could be for me. i left the MSN on for freaking 4 hours and not a single soul chat. mind you, 15 people from RP is online, 12 from my class, 16 from other contacts and NONE even bother to say hi.


what is it that is within me that makes people hate me so much? what is it that they see on me? why am i dreaded? what betrayed me? my heart? my mind? oh, it hurts so much. it really do. man, i know if some people i know in class reads this, i bet they are gonna laugh and say, " Cant he stop whining?


fine, i'll stop here for now

Lovesick Avenue

Breaking up is never fun. The end of a relationship means the beginning of a period of mourning and healing for both people. If the break up was mutual both people will experience a period of adjustment where they are getting used to no longer being together. If the break up was not mutual the person who ended things may be dealing with guilt and feelings that they may have made a mistake. The person being broken up with will definitely have to adjust, first to being rejected and second to life without somebody they still care for. How do you get through those first few weeks? Here is the list of eight essential things everybody must do in the early days of a break up to let the healing begin

1. Avoid the former love. Yes, avoid. No, this isn’t being immature. Seeing your former flame can bring out emotions and may cause you do to or say something you will regret. In the first few weeks the best thing you can do for yourself is not be where you know they will be.
2. Talk out your feelings with close friends. Get everything out so that you won’t hold it inside. Your friends may get sick of hearing you talk about the situation but you need to let out all your feelings and thoughts or they may come back to bite you later.
3. Cry if you want to. It’s OK to cry over a loss. Don’t hold back, let the tears roll just do it in a safe and private place where it is unlikely to get back to your ex. You don’t want your tears to be used as a guilt trip. Their purpose is to cleanse you of any pain not make your lover come back.
4. Let go of mementos. Put away or give away anything and everything that reminds you of the relationship. Hide them out of sight so they will be out of mind until you are able to remember the relationship without longing for it to still be going strong.
5. Don’t slip up and get together with your ex. When you are feeling sad or missing a relationship it can be very easy to fall back in to the arms of your ex but DO NOT DO THIS. This will only set you back and let’s face it, if things ended the relationship wasn’t perfect to begin with so why would you want to rekindle things?
6. Focus on all the things about your ex that drove you crazy, turned you off, or that you just plain found annoying. Think about these things often and replay them in your mind over and over. Dwell on them. It will make you feel better to remember that your former flame was not perfect and that there are things you won’t really miss
7. Think about the mean, cruel or rude things your ex may have done in your relationship. Really give these things play in your memory. Remind yourself that somebody who truly cared for you would not have done such thoughtless things and tell yourself (over and over) that you are better off without that kind of ego crushing behavior in your life.
8. Maintain a strict no contact policy and stick with it. Don’t pass notes through friends. Don’t make any calls. Stay away from instant messaging or texting on your cell. Just don’t contact your ex until you are totally and completely sure you no longer want to be with him or her. It is the only way

"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love."-Stendhal

i guess its true. hope brings about love in all of us. a hope that the other party might fall for us. hope that the other party might love us. but then again, sometimes its just a wishful thinking on the other hand.


I guess i have fallen for this trap of love. i had hoped for the better this semester. i had hoped for something new, something for a change. but then, i had placed my hopes too high. i had wanted for a drastic change. i had not hoped for the better, but i had hoped for the best. this contrast seems too much for a short period of time.


I don't understand myself sometimes. its not that i dint want to move on. but she seems to have this aura around her that makes me happy. that makes me attracted me to her. i guess the reason is rather simple. She is different. she's not those typical Malay girl. she's the type that i have been hoping for. one may argue about her sexuality. i mean she is rough, boyish, tough. but deep in her, i know she'll cry when she's alone. she wants to feel loved. i hope she is happy with her guy now.


I guess i was always hoping for the impossible. hope against hope till hope itself hurts. one may say its easy to move one. but for me, only time will actually tell. but moving on, i dunno. i mean, i have things a girl may want. but then, where are these girls? i wonder..


till then,
Lovesick Avenue

Music : Klaus Meine

Lyrics: Klaus Meine

I lose control because of you babe.
I lose control when you look at me like this.
Theres something in your eyes that is saying tonight.
I'm not a child anymore, life has opened the door
To a new exciting life.

I lose control when I'm close to you babe
I lose control don't look at me like this
there's something in your eyes, is this love at first sight
like a flower that grows, life just wants you to know
all the secrets of life

It's all written down in your lifelines.
It's written down inside your heart.

You and I just have a dream.
To find our love a place, where we can hide away.
You and I were just made.
To love each other now, forever and a day.

I lose control because of you babe.
I lose control when you look at me like this.
Theres something in your eyes that is saying tonight.
I'm so curious for more just like never before.
In my innocent life.

It's all written down in your lifelines.
It's written down inside your heart.

You and I just have a dream.
To find our love a place, where we can hide away.
You and I were just made.
To love each other now, forever and a day.

Time stands still when the days of innocence.
Are falling for the night.
I love you girl I always will.
I swear I'm there for you.
Till the day I die.

Yeah.

You and I just have a dream.
To find our love a place, where we can hide away.
You and I were just made.
To love each other now, forever and a day.

Take this from a guy who lost his parents love at the age of 9: life without love sucks. its true, sometimes i do wonder, if i belong here. all i wanted from young was to experience love. love from people around me. but then again, it always seems that i loose out in love. either i break up or i was made a fool.


looking back, right now i really want to be with this girl. this girl has attracted my attention not so long ago. God, i love the way she flicks her hair. she has this peculiar sense of fashion. simple skater girl i guess. with just a normal T-shirt, and jeans. Not much of accessories on her. most of the time i see her, she adorns her jacket. all the thing i want in a girl. a girl who portray imperfections and toughness at the same time, weak and soft in the inside.


fuck, i should just move on i guess. move on and forget it. she's fucking attached to an NS guy. Great, i fall for attached girls. What's next? married women? OK, too much angst. i should chill.



I'm skipping class today. not feeling well. been having late nights. Till then
Lovesick Avenue